Man in the Mirror

Have you ever felt like you are totally useless in the sense

where you are unable to anything right?

Or

Just that the one thing you think you can do best isn't all

that impresive to the world after all?

Well, ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to the world of In-Se-Cur-Ity!

A jambalaya of emotions filled with

Disgust, Jealousy, Hatred, Anger, Shame and full of

"I am not Good enough"talks.

Confessions?

Yup, I feel that way all the time...

For me, it's my so called "talent" in singing.

I usually feel challenged whenever I hear someone sing and I want to try as hard as possible

to top him or her in hopes of fishing out a compliment to just feel...Secure!

But to my surprise and my past records, I usually get embarrased in front of others.

You see, people do come up and tell me that I can sing and that lifts me beyond cloud 9 but when I am compared, or just being told that I am not good enough, I will get totally dishearted.

Why am I feeling this way?

Why do I constantly try so hard to prove myself in front of others?

It's just because I realise that I am not comfortable in my own skin.

Jesus did say that we are created in His image and hence, we should feel special...

And with regards to what I can or cannot do, I shouldn't feel handicaped as I learn from my friend, Yean Ching, that I should do everything in His name, to glorify and edify His Kingdom.

I am still learning to feel this way.

It was just yesterday I felt challenged at a choir practice but hey, as far as I should be concerned, tommorow as I will be singing in a choir, I just wanna do my best for Him without regards whether I stand out from the rest,

what is important is that My Lord is proud of me...

And that should be all that matters.

Ps... Don't be such a scrouge with compliments...dish them out whenever possible cos it helps build others... Encourage others if you want others to encourage you as well... :p

As Church Bells Rang, I See Someone Enter 6 Feet Under.

Its been a tiresome weekend...
25th of March 2006,
A date wher I have endurred the best and the worst in life...
It was such a bitter sweet week...
My best friend cum Pastor, Ps. Noah is getting hitched on that day, a wedding much anticipated for as we have been notified since last year September...
It seemed like eternity then, only to realise that the said day is going to be.....today!!!!
I was initially asked to sing at the wedding, and the couple asked me to sing their favourite song, a Rod Stewart classic, Have I told You Lately.
And at the very last minute... He asked me to be his best man or rather one of his best men...
It was really exciting....
Waiting patiently the next day, as i was watching the telly, my friend Richard smsed...

It writes:-

Bad news...Swee Kee just passed away...

funeral will be at 8 tonight.

All I could do at that moment was cry...At that point of time, I wished that there was a missing word after his name, I wish it wasn't him but after I made several phone calls, I realised it was him... A 19 year old boy, gone with the wind just because of some unknown reason of a viral attack that entered his lungs and heart.

I was so lost, a wedding is coming up in a couple of hours while I was torn deep down.

Where do I go?

Where should I go?

I ended up t the wedding putting on my very best, singing my heart out and received compliments and encouragement to do Malaysian Idol but deep down lies a broken soul of a departed friend.

I was given a chance to visit him by his coffin, speechless, I just send my sincere condolences and left as I could not stand looking at him and his parents...Its just to heavy on me as I need to prepare a youth wedding celebration...

After the whole youth thing ended, filled with laughter and slapsticks, I went home, emotionally drained.

I laughed a little and cried a little but not just a little.

Remembering the moments I last saw him,it was so funny...

Just as he was leaving my house after a christmas party, he took home a whole box of chicken wings after much debate with Irene, saying that this would be his breakfast the next day...

And since then, we never met till then...

A good friends we've lost, like the mist in the rain,

Your picture remains, but not in a frame,

In my heart it will be sealed with a promise,

In paradise we'll meet again.

To the late Shawn Yap Swee Kee...