Life is like a box of chocolate

I was reading an interesting story online just the other day and I discover it was about a life of a homosexual.He is trying his best to be come straight but.....can he really do it? You read it and be the judge. Life is like a box of chocolate, you’ll never know what you are going to get. I truly believe in this saying. Some may pick the good, creamy ones, while some may get bitter and hard ones. Back to when I took my chances in picking a chocolate, I got a rather odd one. The age 13 marks my early teenage where I encounter so many new experiences. Being in high school, puberty developing and a new life beginning to unravel, an odd feeling starts to form as well. I often get all flushed and shy in front of boys, especially those who are really attractive and my friends, or rather most of them which I am close to are girls. Talk about being popular.At this point of my life, I realize I am attracted to men. I start to fantasies about them, thinking and hoping to explore into their unknowns and what is beneath it all. My eyes are often transfixed upon those manly, buffed up boys but knowing it to be abnormal; I try to shut this behavior off. Being a gentle boy, I am often given names such as sissy,”pondan” and so on. After repeatedly being tease, I started to accept it this identity and soon, the door of curiosity opened. I longed for experimentation on my sexuality. It’s not long before a classmate of mine approach me and that was when my curiosity was then, satisfied. It was in an old, moldy toilet, we embraced our first kiss and from then on, we embarked on a romantic liaison of oral emission and orgasm peeking experiences. It was at my most rebellious stage in my life too this happened. And mum decided to sent me to church for a so called “rehabilitation”. I was reluctant at first but as soon as I was accepted to the fellow brothers in my church, I come to realize that I am accepted just the way I am. My gentleness was never questioned instead everyone tried to toughen me up. It was at the age of 15, I took up my guts to open up to those around me. Stepping into the pastors' office wasn’t easy. The fear of rejection and condemnation played around my mind but I made up my mind to give it a shot. I shared about my past to him. The whole time, my eyes were constantly flowing with tears. I felt like a little boy admitting my wrongdoings to the father. But after the whole session, I feel free. I feel like a huge rock has been lifted and I know I have someone to bear it with me. The whole time, I realize what I’ve done was sinful and just knowing that salvation is waiting right there to say it’s alright, brought me back to the right track. It has been years since that day. And boy what a journey it has been. It’s never easy waking up every morning facing my struggles and bondages. Everyday is like a battle I have to face. Times of temptation often visit and I admit, falling has been my frequent record. But do note that God is not a fairy godmother. He isn’t going to lift up the wand and change you from who you are in an instant. I realize my life needs to go through tests and trials in order to shape me into the man I am supposed to be. All I know is that no matter how many times I fall, a hero will always rise again. Life is filled with choices. God loves us so much that he gives us the freedom to choose how we would want our lives to be. But “freedom” is to be free to choose what is right and not wrong, which will only encage us in a pit of guilt and shame for life. Let me indulge you with another new discovery in my life. Lately, I found out that a girl, who by the way, knows of my past, has put forth her feelings towards me. It means the world to me because knowing my past and to be able to experience this is definitely a blessing from God. Who knows, one day, I might be walking down the aisle with the woman I love. Life is like a box of chocolate. You might get an odd one, with an odd taste but you’ll never know that if you persevere to the very end, the last bite might be a bitter sweet ending. I have still a long journey to go but for know, I am glad to know that I am given a second chance and I shall taste that last sweet bite at the end of my long and winding road.